I had to go bck to Castle College, as a very early marriage had left me short of qualifications and this was before the age of instant Manager if you are an ethnic, but that one works against me as well, being neither these nor those! Barry wanted to be a nurse, really wanted to be a nurse- Human Research was messing at our colleges. They pushed him too far and he hanged himself just as a year before, a lecturer had. I was upset, we had walked back and forth to College for a year- he had told me all his dreams- oddly, I used to glower and mutter curses at all the devils, he always had a smile. Only clue, he once wrote a story in class (Engl Lang. + Lit.)- his pillow was wetted with tears at nights. He read it with a smile. Good literary style we thought. We East Europeans have never learnt to smile as we cry- if we cry we howl the place down- and if, like me you don't cry, you glower at the world for being nasty to you, we are not double existence people. I still think of Barry. He could have easily made 'carer' which he would have loved and now I don't trust smiling faces.